


Haunted

by Lilly_C



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Domestic Violence, F/M, Friendship, Het, Hurt/Comfort, Pre-Series, Rape, episode based
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-07-12
Updated: 2005-07-12
Packaged: 2017-12-21 16:08:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/902228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilly_C/pseuds/Lilly_C
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love should never hurt</p>
            </blockquote>





	Haunted

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for Emancipation, The Broca Divide, The First Commandment, Cold Lazarus. This story came about because of my theory that the relationship that Sam was in with Jonas Hanson was a violent one. Seeing him again on the planet (P3X-513) brought back some really bad memories for Sam.
> 
> The theory that Sam was in a violent relationship began to form when I first saw Emancipation. Firstly, her reactions to being hit by Turghan revealed something that she had been hiding. In addition, when she tells Turghan to beat her for running away and not his wife, saying that she is to blame for what she did and no one else. Although she tried sounding shocked when Nya told her that it is, normal for women to be beaten she was not as shocked as she perhaps should have been.
> 
> Sam’s outburst about rape, in response to Daniel’s survival of the fittest speech in The Broca Divide fits into the theory that Jonas raped her when they were together.
> 
> When Sam was in the cave with Jonas, and she had her gun on him, there was a hint of terror in her eyes and her fear was really showing. She was shaking even more when Jonas took the gun from her.
> 
> This is my interpretation of how things could have panned out after SG-1 returned to Earth from P3X-513. The events in this story take place between the end of The First Commandment and the beginning of Cold Lazarus. 
> 
> Although Jack/Sam is my pairing, this story deals with the developing friendship between the two and nothing more.
> 
> If you think this work may trigger you in any way stop here, otherwise continue on.
> 
> Additional notes from the author are at the very end.
> 
> This story contains content dealing with domestic violence and the psychological aftermath of domestic violence. There is also content dealing with rape and the psychological aftermath of rape. 
> 
> The acts of violence in this story are shown through flashback sequences and graphic recollections. There is some swearing too.
> 
> If you are sensitive to any of the issues dealt with, within this story, or, if it could trigger you, please close out now.

CAPTAIN CARTER’S LIVING QUARTERS, 10:40PM

Sam was sitting cross-legged on the bed, holding a toy cow, stroking its fur with her thumbs, trying not to let the tears roll down her cheeks.  
Noticing a shadow appear in the doorway, she looked up to see Colonel O’Neill standing there smiling to himself. Quickly rising to her feet, Sam shoved the cow underneath the blankets, trying her hardest not to show how nervous she was at the Colonel seeing her in an emotionally vulnerable state, she saluted as he entered her quarters. 

“At ease, Captain, I just dropped by to see how you are.”

“I’m fine sir, really, nothing a good night’s sleep won’t cure.”

A concerned look crept across the Colonel’s face. “If ya ever need to talk about the weather, or anything, ya know where to find me.” His instinct was telling him that Sam was lying to him, but he knew that she would open up in her own time. 

“I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you Colonel and good night.”

“Sweet dreams, Carter.”

Once Sam had closed and locked the door, she switched the light off. Making her way to the bed, she reached for the top corner of the blanket, pulling it back enough for her to get into the bed. She moved her cow to the nightstand. Turning over so she was lying on her stomach, she pulled the covers up over her head, leaving just enough of them over her feet. Her eyes closed as her head hit the pillow.

 

 

*****Sam was putting away the last of the clean dishes, when Jonas slammed the front door shut. He stormed into the kitchen, grabbing her neck he pinned her against the wall. Using his free hand, he began punching her rapidly and repeatedly in the face. 

She was trying to scream, yet, all that came out was a whimpering, controlled breath, that she couldn't contain. Before she could even attempt to fight back she'd fallen in a heap on the kitchen floor, rather than helping her to her feet, Jonas carried on punching her. He stopped for a moment to look at Sam; smiling at her vulnerable state.  
He proceeded to kick her in the stomach so hard that she vomited, and began haemorrhaging; she was losing the baby, their baby and yet she was powerless to fight back.

She lay there on the floor, clutching at her stomach trying to find the strength to reach up onto the counter for the phone.*****

 

 

Shaking with fear, Sam sat up in her bed. Once she had scanned the room, she realised where she was and that she was safe. “It was just a dream,” she cursed. 

Wiping the sweat from her face she glanced at the clock on the nightstand, doing a double-take at the luminous blue glow. It read; 1:44.

She reached across for her cow. To her that was a safety net. As long as she knew where her toy cow was and that she could stroke its fur, she felt safe. 

The few people that she really wanted to speak with about the dream were either off-base or off-world and in both cases were unreachable. “Only one person for this, Colonel O’Neill,” she whispered to the cow.

COLONEL O’NEILL’S LIVING QUARTERS, 1:55AM:

Sam stood in front of the door, hesitating for a moment before knocking.

“Come in,” Jack shouted.

Sam opened the door, “Can I watch The Simpsons with you?” she asked.

“Course ya can Carter, what’s with the cow?” She blushed at the Colonel’s question. “It’s a comfort thing. I’ve had him for years.” After closing the door, Sam walked across the room to the bed, sitting on the edge, she began staring blankly at the television screen.

“How’s the eye?” Jack enquired.

“Really sore, I can’t see too well at the moment. Janet said that it is going to be a few days before the bruise fully comes out. That wasn’t the first time that Jonas hit me, but it most definitely is the last time he will ever hurt anyone.”

A shocked expression began to form on Jack’s face. “You mean to tell me that he beat you?” he said exasperated. “I can switch the tape off if ya wanna talk about it,” he offered. He was beginning to dislike Jonas more than he initially had. Rather than seeing Sam’s admission as weakness, he saw it more for what is was a cry for help from a person who hid her vulnerabilities and fears behind her tough girl persona. 

Sam smiled. “I just wanna watch The Simpsons.”

“OK. If you’re sure.”

Tears were falling freely from Sam’s eyes. She wiped her tears on the sleeve of her pyjama top. “Oh man, you were the last person that I ever wanted to cry in front of,” she admitted, the embarrassment showing in her voice.

A concerned look crept across Jack’s face. “Did you have a ‘mare?”

“Yeah I had a nightmare, the same one that I’ve had every night for the last four years,” Sam replied tearfully.

Jack picked up his spare blanket, once he had opened it out, he carefully placed it around Sam’s shoulders. “Come here, you’re shivering, put this around you.”

A wry smile appeared at the corner of Sam’s mouth. “Thanks, I am a little chilly.”

Jack put his arm around Sam, pulling her closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder. “What happened to you?”

“Jonas killed my child,” Sam replied solemnly.

Jack’s eyes widened in surprise at Sam’s revelation. “So what, you were pregnant or you’d had the child?”

“I was pregnant. I had only just found out when the attack happened. Every night since then has been absolute hell for me.”

“Did he know, about the baby I mean?”

“Yeah, I told him when I got back from my doctors appointment. To be honest the reaction that I got was not the one I was expecting. Jonas was, well, he was happy. He said to me that he was going out to buy a crib and clothes for the baby and that he’d get some paint charts too.”

“Let me guess, when he came back he beat you.”

Sam finally gave in, letting the tears fall freely down her cheeks. “He was drunk, I mean really drunk. I had finished washing the dishes and was putting them away when he stormed into the apartment. He was pissed off about something. I never got that outta him.”

“How did he hurt you Sam?”

“He grabbed my neck and pinned me against the wall. At first, he was slapping my face, and then he punched me repeatedly for almost two hours. After a while, I was begging him and screaming at him to stop, but he wouldn’t. I remember collapsing in heap on the kitchen floor, rather than helping me to my feet he crouched down next to me, even now I can see his sneering smile. He carried on punching and then he started kicking me too. Some of the kicks were so hard that I vomited on his shoes.”

Jack was struggling to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall from his eyes. “After the attack, what did you do Sam?” Although he was really starting to hate Jonas, he had a better understanding of Sam and was sympathetic towards her.

Sam wiped her eyes with a tissue. “I lay on the floor in absolute agony, losing a lot of blood. So I finally plucked up some energy from somewhere and I reached up onto the counter for the phone. Once I had got it in my hands I phoned my doctors and they told me to go the hospital.”

“Is that when you found out that you’d lost the baby?”

Sam moved her head from Jack’s shoulder. “I took a cab to the hospital and when I got there they did an ultrasound, but the baby didn’t have a heartbeat. The doctors rushed me to theatre where they performed a dilation and cutteridge to remove the foetus.” 

“How did you feel after the operation?” Jack questioned. 

Sam hesitated for a moment. “Before the operation to remove the foetus, I couldn’t remember anytime in my life where I was so frightened and so alone. All I wanted was for someone to give me hug, make everything better for me, ya know try to show me where the hell I went wrong. It never happened. When I came around from the anaesthetic. I felt so vulnerable, lonelier than I have ever been. The only person I wanted to be there with was my mom, as she’s dead, she couldn’t be. Talking with you about my ordeal makes me feel as frightened as I did that day. I know that I shouldn’t feel frightened especially when I’m some place safe but I do, even now, years later.”

A small smile appeared from Jack’s bottom lip. “She was there Sam, in spirit, watching out for you.”

Jack handed Sam another tissue. “No one is ever gonna hurt you again, not while I’m around.” He removed an errant strand of hair out of Sam’s eyes. “How are you gonna stop someone, anyone from hurting me? I can be my own worst enemy,” Sam chuckled.

“I’ll think of something. Now I don’t know too many medical related things but isn’t a dilation and cutteridge performed after a miscarriage?”

“Yeah it is.” Sam removed the blanket from her shoulders. “I’m feeling a little warmer.” Jack took it from her, placing it behind them on the bed.

“Ya can tell me to shut up. Did you know how far along you were and the sex of the baby?”

Sam ran a hand through her hair. “I was thirteen weeks and the baby was a girl. Y’know what still makes me sad? I’d already decided on a name for her and had started making plans for our future.”

“What were you going to call her?”

“Naomi Marie. For some reason the name stuck with me.” A lump began forming in Sam’s throat as she spoke. “On her death certificate, I wrote Naomi Marie Carter. I still feel sad when I visit her grave, as the headstone says ‘baby Carter’ died sixteenth February 1993.”

Jack used the remote to turn the TV off. “What else did he do to you?”

Sam was lying on the bed, her head resting on Jack’s lap. “I should really be getting back to my quarters, this is against regulations.”

“Screw regulations Sam, you came to me, and if anyone asks I’ll tell them the truth.”

Sam grimaced. “You can’t sir, nobody can ever know what I’ve been through.”

Jack pulled Sam closer to him. “Sam, you coming to me with this rather than, say, General Hammond or Doc Frasier, it shows that you’re starting to trust me and I admire that in a person and I’m not telling anyone because you don’t want me to, and I respect that.”

Jack smiled at Sam. “The truth, Sam, is that we were catching up on The Simpsons and you fell asleep.”

“Oh right, that truth,” Sam chuckled.

Noticing the tears forming in Sam’s eyes. “Sam, what else do you want to talk about?”

“I remember this one attack like it was yesterday. I’d gone to the grocery store. When I got home and put all the shopping away, I remembered that I’d not bought macaroni cheese. I told Jonas that I’d forgotten to buy it and he seemed fine with it. The ironic thing is that he said we all forget things from time to time and that I shouldn’t worry about it, that it’d keep for another day.”

Jack picked up the blanket, placing it over Sam. “What happened?”

“He picked up a ball pein hammer and hit me repeatedly in the head. I couldn’t really do anything to protect myself or to fight back. I tried putting my hands up near my head, he moved them away with such a force that he broke both of my wrists. Once he had stopped hitting me with the hammer, he picked me up, carried me from our apartment, and drove me to the hospital. Rather than coming in with me he left me near to the door and drove off, leaving me close to death. Thankfully a nurse, who was just about to start her shift, got me a wheelchair and helped me inside.”

A look of confusion crept across Jack’s face. “Let me get this straight, you forgot to buy macaroni cheese and he cracked your skull with a hammer? That is pathetic.”

“Yep, it sure is pathetic. I felt so useless and all because of a packet of macaroni cheese. Although that wasn’t the first time he’d attacked me, I stayed with him because I honestly, ok, naively, believed that he’d change. He never did.”

Jack’s eyes were filling with rage; he wished Jonas was still alive so that he could confront him.

Sam bit her bottom lip, trying to stop the tears from falling. “The doctors said that I was extremely lucky to be alive. The force of the first three blows cracked my skull like an eggshell. I had to have three of the bigger fractures glued together, for the smaller fractures I had a mixture of soluble and non soluble stitches.”

Jack frowned. “Oh God. I never realised how hard life had been for you. At first I thought that you were a diva, but you’re not at all.”

Sam giggled. “A diva, thank you, I'll take that as a compliment. I’m just a very emotionally guarded person. I’ve been hurt too many times by too many people and I learnt the hard way not to give too much of myself to anyone.”

Jack smiled at Sam. “Ya know when we were on P3X-797 and Daniel gave his speech about survival of the fittest, you had your outburst about it being rape. Were you trying to reach out, to tell us something?”

“Are you trying to figure out the question in your head Jack?” Sam asked.

A thoughtful smiled appeared at the corner of Jack’s mouth. “OK here goes.” Sam nodded her head, encouraging Jack as he hesitated with his question. “Did Jonas ever… did he ever rape you?”

Sam started crying again. “He did rape me, more than once. The first time that he did, I hated him so much. All I kept on thinking was if you loved me, truly loved me then why would you need to do that. I felt so inadequate, so used. The one thing that I really regret is staying with him for so long, I kept on praying and wishing that he’s change, turn back to the man I fell in love with. He never did.”

As Jack was stroking Sam’s hair, he began feeling physically sick at Sam’s admission. “If it’s too difficult, ya don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” 

“Its fine,” Sam said as she blinked tears away. “I still feel sick whenever I think about the times he raped me,” Sam sighed. “This is difficult. The first time that Jonas raped me, was extremely surreal for me. I was asleep when he came to bed; he was nuzzling my neck, kissing my shoulder. He was trying to wake me up and when I didn’t wake up he…”

“Come on Sam. Remember that nothing you say is going to go outside of these four walls.”

A wry smile formed on Sam’s bottom lip. “I know that sir, it’s just difficult.”

“Take your time, we’ve got all night and all day if it needs to be that way.”

Sam sighed in frustration. “He moved me, so that I was lying on my back. He… he forced himself on top of me and inside of me. It hurt so much but I couldn’t fight back, I was powerless to do anything. Hell, I couldn’t even scream.”

“What did you do?”

Sam sobbed. “The only thing I could do, which was lay there and let it happen. Afterwards I felt so used, so dirty. After Jonas had left the apartment, I got in the shower and for several hours just let the water run all over my body, I was scrubbing my skin for hours trying to get out the dirt. Dirt that wasn’t there.”

Jack looked stunned. “That’s a psychological response after something like that.”

“Yeah it is. Even now, I still regret not going to the police and reporting it. Then again, the way I see it is that Jonas could have easily said that it was rough sex and that I consented to it. There isn’t a damn thing that the police can do when someone says that.”

As he passed Sam another tissue, he scoffed menacingly, “Should have shot the bastard when you had the chance Sam”.

Sam smiled as she took the tissue from Jack. “You’re telling me. I know I should have shot the bastard when I had the chance.”

“Wow, it’s almost dawn,” Jack said as he looked at his watch.

“Time is it?” Sam sleepily asked.

“Oh-four-hundred hours.”

Sam gave Jack an apologetic look. “I’ll go back to my quarters, let you get some sleep.”

“You still have something else to tell me, I can always rest my eyes during the next briefing.”

Sam stood up, keeping her back to Jack. She lifted her pyjama top up to reveal a multitude of scars on her back. Jack reached out to touch one of the scars on Sam’s back, tracing the ridges with his fingertip. “How did you get these Sam?” 

“Jonas used anything that would scar me. By anything I mean irons, kettles, electrical cord, knifes and bullets,” Sam replied as she pulled her top down.

Raising his eyebrows several inches in surprise, Jack asked, “The two circular scars on your lower back look like bullet wounds. Are they?” 

Sam nodded her head in reply to Jack’s question, feeling sad but relieved that she finally told someone else about her ordeal. 

Jack shook his head in disbelief. “Some of those look new.”

“He’d pick up anything that could do more damage than his fists. Of the weapons he used on me, the worst, the most painful was definitely the iron. It was always on the hottest setting and whenever Jonas used it on me he placed the side of the metal plate onto my skin, holding it there for several minutes before lifting it away and then doing it again and again until I couldn’t take anymore.” 

“OK so that explains the old and healed scars, but what it doesn’t explain is the fresh wounds, the ones that look like they’re only just starting to heal,” Jack said incredulous.

A frown began to form on Sam’s lips. “Y’know when we went to Simarka and Abu sold me to Turghan.”

“Yeah, carry on.”

“Well, after I’d tried to escape, Turghan was going to beat his wife for not stopping me. I intervened I had to. So I took the beating that Turghan was going to give his wife.”

Looking stunned, Jack asked, “What went through your mind as he beat you?”

As she wiped away the tears that were falling down her face, Sam said, “All that I thought about was getting out of there and off that planet in one piece. He used a whip of some kind and every time it connected with my skin all I could do was hold back the screams that I really wanted to let out, instead I just thought, ‘I’ve had worse than this’.”

Jack gave Sam a concerned glance. “Why didn’t ya say something?”

Sam rested her head on Jack’s shoulder, releasing more tears as she spoke. “Because I didn’t want any sympathy, nor did I want anyone to think I couldn’t stand up for myself. To be honest I thought that I could handle it, but seeing Jonas again made me realise that bottling up my emotions is the worst thing I could possibly do.”

A wry smile formed on Jack’s lips. “I have to admit, you’re learning. One day you’ll be able to open up without thinking other people feel that you’re weak or anything.”

“Sam get up, just for a minute I’m gonna do something.”

Sam did as she was asked, watching on as Jack turned the blankets down. “Get in, make yourself comfortable. You look like you could drop off any minute now.”

“Thank you sir, where are you gonna sleep?”

“I’ll sleep at the other end, top-tail so to speak.”

A few moments had passed by the time Sam was asleep. Jack watched her for a moment, deciding against sleeping, he opted instead to turn the TV back on and finish watching his video. Staring blankly at the screen he was trying to digest everything that Sam had revealed to him.

-End-

**Author's Note:**

> I have to say a big thank you to Rachel and Kerensa for betaing this for me. Thankies girls really and totally appreciated.
> 
> Haunted (1) of a place visited by a ghost  
> Haunted (2) having or showing signs of mental suffering: haunted eyes.  
> Source – Oxford Dictionary.
> 
> I did a lot of research into the subjects of domestic violence and rape along with researching the psychological effects of being in a violent relationship and of being raped.
> 
> Although I personally have experienced domestic violence whilst growing up and know others who have also experienced domestic violence none of the attacks that were featured within this story were experienced by myself or the people that I know.


End file.
